C is for Caregiver

Yikes I am already a day behind.   Not like me, but since last year at this time I have become a fulltime caregiver for my husband and my free time is so limited.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson disease five years ago and it's been  a huge struggle for us both.

He unfortunately is very complacent about it.  I, on the other hand am a fighter.  I have been his advocate, fighting  for him to have the best quality of life since day one.  It's all very exhausting.  I struggle every day, often feeling both mentally and physically spent.

Well yesterday at his doctors appointment it was made clear that there is nothing else available for him to make it better.  That was hard for me to accept.  He will progressively get worse and then......, not sure how it will play out.  I really like to be in control, but this is totally out of my control.  Something I need to accept. It's really all in God's hands.

So I will continue to try and write everyday hopefully on time and will see how it goes.


                                                     
                                                                         Mary Ann

B is for Binge Watching

According to a recent study, people who binge watch shows on Netflix, Prime, Hula etc, may be showing signs of depression.   If that's true I must be really depressed because at times I am a hard core binge watcher.

My binge watching started long before cable was born. Growing up my parents made no restrictions in our TV viewing.  My sister and I spent hours watching anything and everything on TV.  Back then, living in Queens, NY there were only a handful of stations, so a favorite of ours was Million Dollar Movie.  The same movie would play again and again throughout the week.  It would even be aired multiple times a day.  We never seemed to get tired of watching that same stinking movie over and over again.  By the end of each week we knew all the lines and would act them out along with the characters.

My binge watching continues having access to so many choices it can be a bit overwhelming.  Some are brand new like Orange is the New Black or Bloodlines, both on Netflix.  Others appeared on TV but had not watched so I am able to enjoy, Mad Men, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead.  I am seriously hooked.

For an avid TV viewer like myself I am in my own kind of heaven.

Is binge watching something you do?

                                                                       Mary Ann

A is for Afraid

So this is the first day of the A to Z Bloggers Challenge.  I have not blogged for many months, lots

going on in my life these days but I was encouraging someone else to participate and decided to jump in again this year. As I was wrestling with whether or not to join the fun, I asked myself, what are you afraid of?  Ding, ding, ding! my A word, Afraid. 

I often feel like a big baby in my fears.  

Things that I am afraid of:

The Dark   

I am petrified of the dark,  I try not to be.  I lay in my bed at night trying to relax telling myself over and over that there is nothing to fear, but after a relatively short period of time I panic and have to flip on a light.  Even a small night light giving off a tiny glow is better for me then the dark stillness of the room.

Mice 

Just the thought of them scurrying around, running close to a wall or inside a wall makes my toes curl.  Just listening to others talking about mice it make me cringe with fear.

Scary Movies

I am so not a fan.  Just seeing the coming attractions of them on TV give my nightmares.  I remember being just little and the advertisement for the movie Village Of The Damned would come on just about every other commercial.   I would run from the room crying and screaming.  Many up years later I decided to face my fears and watch it.  It has to be one of the cheesiest movies ever, not scary at all.  Watching still has not cured me of this fear.  Some movies I still will not watch like The Exorcist.  Read the book, will never ever watch the movie.

Failure

As far back as I can remember I have been afraid of failure.  Not wanting to disappoint my parents, teachers, friends, bosses, husband or my children.   As I have gotten older I have realized that many times in the past in trying not to fail others I have often failed myself.   I think I will be working on this one until my dying day.

We all have fears. We could be afraid of something as tiny of a spider or as large as a thunder and lightning storm.  Some fears seem silly but they are fears none the less.

What are your fears?

Sad To See You Go Dad

I have written about my dad a number of times in my blog and sadly last night  at the ripe old age of 96 he passed away.

For the most of those years he had been a pretty healthy guy but three weeks ago he developed pneumonia and had a heart attack and just could not seem to come back from it.

Even  though I am extremely sad to say good bye to him, I want to celebrate his life and who was.

A great son to his parents.
A thoughtful brother to his three sisters.
A loving husband to my mom.
A hard working provider to his family.
An awesome grandfather and great grandfather.
And the most creative corny joke teller ever.

And to me he was the best dad, anyone could have.

Bye Daddy you will be missed.

RIP Dad

Mary Ann

Mary Ann

Things That I Learned - Riturals And Rodent Robbery

Yesterday we celebrated Easter.   One of the big rituals of holiday is an Easter egg hunt.  Every year Nana, my grandchildrens other grandmother, painstakingly fills fifty plastic eggs with candy and money.   Usually she has it at her house but this year she gave the bag of surprise filled eggs to my son-in-law Trevor so he could hide them around their house instead.

After making sure that the kids were asleep Trevor crept outside and hid all fifty plus eggs in the yard and the woods directly behind their house.  After church, the next morning, it was time for the Easter egg fun.  Everyone ran outside, baskets in hand to collect the treats.  The kids looked behind trees, in flower pots, in bushes and not one egg could be found.  At first the kids were up for the challenge but after a short while they started to whine, "this is too hard".  What the kids did not know is that their father Trevor had no idea either where they were.  Every egg that he had placed in the yard was gone, disappeared.

He encouraged the kids to move onto the woods.  There had to be eggs there, right?  To the kids disappointment not one egg was found in the woods, only a trail of brightly colored chewed up plastic pieces.   Yikes!  Well, apparently  while the family was at church the squirrels had been hard at work chewing through plastic eggs, helping themselves to all the treats inside.  The only thing left behind was a few one dollar bills which were not as tasty a Skiddle.

So what I have learned is never hide plastic treat filled eggs where a nasty rodent might steal them.  Rodents just don't share.

Mary Ann

Things That I Have Learned - Q for Quiet Not Me

I am loud!!!!
Even when I think I am whispering everyone around me can hear the secret.  Along with my very loud voice is an even louder laugh.  When I hear something funny I just can't restrain myself and just belt one out.

I am that obnoxious person in the room that is disturbing your nice quiet meal in a restaurant.  I am the one in the back of you laughing loudly at the movies, the one that you want to throw your $5.00 super sized Pepsi at.  In addition to my talking and laughing loudly I am an emotional loud crier.  So in the same movie if a scene goes from funny to sad you will hear me sobbing.

It's not like I want to be disrespectful to others.  Honestly I do try.  I start out with a lower tone but as the conversation continues or something funny is said, before I know it's happening, my voice escalates and out the loudness comes.  I have been yelling, screaming, laughing and crying loudly for so long I am not sure how to keep it down notch or even ten.

So what I have learned is to be more tolerate of others since others have to put up with my big loud non-quiet mouth.

Keep it down

Mary Ann

Things That I Have Learned - P for Portrait In Plaid

When I was in first grade I had trouble reading and complained that I could not see the blackboard.   My mother and father of course researched the best Optimolgist in the area of Queens where we lived and an appointment was made with a very prestigious doctor in Forest Hills.

I do not remember the doctors name but I remember that  his waiting room was dark and a  huge grandfather clock dominated the room.  It ticked, ticked, ticked the time away as we sat waiting to go in to see him.  I was very sacred, having no idea what to expect.  Just as the clock  loudly bonged three times the door flew open and there stood a nice looking  very tall elderly man calling my name, inviting me in.  The doctor it turned out was from Germany and spoke with a thick accent.  I remember how sweet he was to me, sensing my fears and trying to make me feel at ease.

It was determined that I needed glasses and off we went to the store to get my prescription filled.  My mother told me that I could pick whatever frame that I wanted.  I carefully scanned all the choices hanging from a white pegboard on the wall.   There were all different colors, reds, blues, pinks, but for whatever reason I was drawn to a pair of frames that had a plaid design.  Not sure what I was thinking  but my mom let me buy those horrible frames.  I have to say I loved those glasses probably because I was allowed to make the choice all by myself.  I am sure my mother wanted to talk me out of them, but she didn't and told me how nice I looked.

So what I have learned is that sometime we need to let the people around us make their own decisions and choices even though you know it could be a big mistake.  That's how we all learn.  

Judge for yourself how big a mistake my plaid glasses were. Yikes!!!!!

I am sure the bad bangs and big teeth did not help the look

Mary Ann