Saturday, April 4, 2015

C is for Caregiver

Yikes I am already a day behind.   Not like me, but since last year at this time I have become a fulltime caregiver for my husband and my free time is so limited.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson disease five years ago and it's been  a huge struggle for us both.

He unfortunately is very complacent about it.  I, on the other hand am a fighter.  I have been his advocate, fighting  for him to have the best quality of life since day one.  It's all very exhausting.  I struggle every day, often feeling both mentally and physically spent.

Well yesterday at his doctors appointment it was made clear that there is nothing else available for him to make it better.  That was hard for me to accept.  He will progressively get worse and then......, not sure how it will play out.  I really like to be in control, but this is totally out of my control.  Something I need to accept. It's really all in God's hands.

So I will continue to try and write everyday hopefully on time and will see how it goes.

                                                                         Mary Ann

Thursday, April 2, 2015

B is for Binge Watching

According to a recent study, people who binge watch shows on Netflix, Prime, Hula etc, may be showing signs of depression.   If that's true I must be really depressed because at times I am a hard core binge watcher.

My binge watching started long before cable was born. Growing up my parents made no restrictions in our TV viewing.  My sister and I spent hours watching anything and everything on TV.  Back then, living in Queens, NY there were only a handful of stations, so a favorite of ours was Million Dollar Movie.  The same movie would play again and again throughout the week.  It would even be aired multiple times a day.  We never seemed to get tired of watching that same stinking movie over and over again.  By the end of each week we knew all the lines and would act them out along with the characters.

My binge watching continues having access to so many choices it can be a bit overwhelming.  Some are brand new like Orange is the New Black or Bloodlines, both on Netflix.  Others appeared on TV but had not watched so I am able to enjoy, Mad Men, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead.  I am seriously hooked.

For an avid TV viewer like myself I am in my own kind of heaven.

Is binge watching something you do?

                                                                       Mary Ann

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

A is for Afraid

So this is the first day of the A to Z Bloggers Challenge.  I have not blogged for many months, lots
going on in my life these days but I was encouraging someone else to participate and decided to jump in again this year. As I was wrestling with whether or not to join the fun, I asked myself, what are you afraid of?  Ding, ding, ding! my A word, Afraid. 

I often feel like a big baby in my fears.  

Things that I am afraid of:

The Dark   
I am petrified of the dark,  I try not to be.  I lay in my bed at night trying to relax telling myself over and over that there is nothing to fear, but after a relatively short period of time I panic and have to flip on a light.  Even a small night light giving off a tiny glow is better for me then the dark stillness of the room.

Just the thought of them scurrying around, running close to a wall or inside a wall makes my toes curl.  Just listening to others talking about mice it make me cringe with fear.

Scary Movies
I am so not a fan.  Just seeing the coming attractions of them on TV give my nightmares.  I remember being just little and the advertisement for the movie Village Of The Damned would come on just about every other commercial.   I would run from the room crying and screaming.  Many up years later I decided to face my fears and watch it.  It has to be one of the cheesiest movies ever, not scary at all.  Watching still has not cured me of this fear.  Some movies I still will not watch like The Exorcist.  Read the book, will never ever watch the movie.

As far back as I can remember I have been afraid of failure.  Not wanting to disappoint my parents, teachers, friends, bosses, husband or my children.   As I have gotten older I have realized that many times in the past in trying not to fail others I have often failed myself.   I think I will be working on this one until my dying day.

We all have fears. We could be afraid of something as tiny of a spider or as large as a thunder and lightning storm.  Some fears seem silly but they are fears none the less.

What are your fears?